Friday, 30 August 2013

One pesky being

"Do you know what I'm thinking right now?"
"What are you thinking?"
"You don't have to force yourself into doing something you don't even have to, you don't have to think of others' feeling. That is what I think."

And I wanted to ask you the same.
Do you know what I was thinking?
I was wrong and I was sorry,
and I was enraged and I was disappointed.

"What do you mean?"
"You don't have to think about me. Both of you have same interests, and I don't. Don't burden yourself to think about my feelings."

I asked myself,
Did she just say that?
I asked myself again,
Did she really think so?

I wished I didn't tell you,
but then I wished you to... I don't even know.

You said you understand,
and instantly, I understand that I made a mistake,
for not thinking before saying.
But that is because I have always tell you things.

I was wrong and I was sorry,
and I was enraged,
and I was and am disappointed.

and I know you were too,
disappointed, that is.

I have done that a lot,
I know I did.

But out of the other things,
You said those.

And what did I reply?


And then you bid your goodbye.

"I'm going to sleep."

And what did I reply?


I was wrong and I was sorry,
and I was enraged,
and I was and am disappointed,
in myself.

I wish you see this,
because I know that you know it too much,
how egoistic I can be.

This may not be the last disappointment.
This may not be the last mistake.

I want you to know, your feelings are and always will be put into account.
But this time I had overlooked, like what I did to our best friend before.

Three of us will always be best friends,
and I will try to remember that till the day my body can no longer do that.
Because forever is beyond infinite,
and I am one fragile creature.

I still sound selfish,
and I noticed.

And I am sorry for being one pesky being.


Dämon said...

are you just going through a conflict dude?it seems real...lulz

robo said...

conflict it was, mang.

diod said...

i've read this post for a few times.

i have no idea what should i say about this, but i've get through this so many times, and respond nothing.

i lost some angle of view that i should have of taking care others feelings.

i should feel bad.