Complexion

The words tangling and dangling just at the edge of my brain,waiting to be spit out
but to no avail.
Just like swallowing your own puke and occasionally someone's puke.

And as simple as that,the heart was torn.

HUMANITY

I think that this month is probably the most stressful month I have ever been through. I got stressed and fussed up over a small thing (not really small, but still). Most of the time I just run away from anything that may stress me up instead of facing it. Which is definitely not me.  I felt anxious most of the time. It felt like so many things going on that I can’t keep up (or sometimes people can’t keep up with me when I needed their cooperation.)

Even though I’m solving the problem one by one, it seems to me that this will never end.

Enough said of my rambling regarding my (not so) personal life.

Listening to From Dusk Till Dawn by Abingdon Boys School made me think and reflect (just from the title and not the lyric which I don’t really understand most of it, hahaha) on what I had done for the rest of the day and how fortunate I am to be living in this life with just only some small issues in my life to be concern unlike some of the unfortunate ones that deal with the matter of life and death every single day.

Recently, (or not, it happened for a long time ago, but began to peak up recently), the notorious human trafficking of the Rohingya ethnic that deserved the help and concern from the vast more fortunate human beings. And to those that lend their hands for the sake of humanity, no matter in what form it might be, the world is grateful for there are such people as you guys. Only God that can return the favour.

Not only that, for the people that help the unfortunate of the Nepali that was struck by a catastrophic earthquake that had killed and injured many, you have helped rebuild the world and hopefully into a better and brighter future.

Keep the faith and keep on believing that the world will change into a better place if we all just play our part and be together especially in this time of hardship.

South-East Asian migrant crisis: Who are the Rohingya fleeing Myanmar by boat? 

Thailand Has a Chance to Lead on Rohingya Boatpeople Crisis  

HUMAN SECURITY FOR ROHINGYA REFUGEES  

Nepal earthquakes: Devastation in maps and images

Nepal earthquakes: Survivors' stories 
mySEDEKAH (ISLAMIC RELIEF) 

Tangential

Elevate my feelings
Thrust my lungs
If that makes any sense

I want to break free
From this excruciating life
That hold me tight,deep in its fantasy.

Take me out,soaring the sky
With soothing zephyr
Help me forget of the stereotype life.  

state of a pathetic being I once was

Here's to the state of being in the centre of everything you don't fucking understand.

Before, being alone despite of the people around is negligible. Talks about education and rains of saliva of ever going to end motivations - flow throughout the veins to the brain and never seem to stick.
And then it was negligible no longer - it was disturbing. The brain took the role of talking and raining, stomach cooperated by twisting into knots.

Same building, same air - it strangely was not enough. Because, you might say no, but faces matter. Faces fucking matter. I wanted the usual faces, the usual vibes, the usual reactions; the usual per se. I disliked different new faces, because they mean a start of a whole new book, especially when it was in an alien lingo. I had to be the one adapting because apparently I was the alien, albeit it is the usual building I had been going for years.

So I started disappearing, absenting myself frequently to their dismay. I told myself to just take it all, I forced things to just flow in my swelling veins. I thought of only a thing: I want to get the fuck out of here.

Because I couldn't go on. Because I knew I couldn't go on. Not anymore.
I didn't want to think of excuses to excuse myself from the ear-slaughtering naggings anymore.

So I left, and I don't regret it.
Not at all.

I don't miss any of the time I fucking wasted there.
I really don't.
And I never will.

1,2,3 Smile

You walked in the park,
portraying your ever so beautiful smile,
childish smile.
Yet it is fake.

You walked in the park,
That has ever so beautiful flowers,
blossoming spring.
But they are weak.

You walked in the park,
and one by one the flowers
that portray beautiful colours,
becomes dull.

And the trees is unattached from its root.
Everything is starting to tumble down.
But you still give your childish smile.
Pretending nothing had happened.

You smile and enchanted the bees,
Then the bees followed you.
The bees work for you.
As to lead you to the next beautiful park.
Once you destroyed the others.

do me a favour

in the darkness, i squinted.
"stupid lights", i muttered.
in the trials of focusing on the tiny black pixels forming virtual alphabets,
i stumbled down as the gravity dragged me down.
"stupid bed", i muttered.

and the day went on ever so blandly.

Envisage

Last night, I dreamt.
A lovely place, flowers were blossoming.
The trees were speaking to each other.
With every single leaves danced with the wind.
The soft, cool breeze.
It was pleasant.
It was spring.

Beside me were my parents.
Mommy on the right.
Daddy on the left.
We were laughing, playing, having a good time together.
At that moment, I wished that I will never grow up.
I want to stay as a kid forever.

It didn't take long to realize it won't be happening.
My parents were taken away from me by monsters.
Demanding obedience from my rebellious parents.
Stagnant on the pavement I stand.
Praying that came out as almost preaching.
Stamping military boots, gunfire, flying bullets, chaos.
All has been taken away from me in a blink of an eye.
It all happened in a split seconds.
But the suffering remains for eternity.

BOOM!
A loud noise drag me out from my dream.
A nightmare.
I found myself sweating, trying to get my bearing back.
The loud noise made me jump off from my bed.
Grab my rifle, pinpoint to the enemy.
Because, I now live in that dream of mine.
A dream that came true.