the death of me

 i am not sure whether this sounds like a suicidal notes--

or maybe a suicidal poems. 

or anything. it's about deaths.

i don't know.

it's just;

i wonder--

how many of you will come to my funeral?

how many of you will recite al-fatihah whenever you missed me?

how many of you will still remember me after 

a few year passed since the angel of death collected my souls?

how often will you visits my grave?

or 

will you?
how soon you'll recover from grieving?

or 

will you?

will be someone who will patiently recite yasiin for me everyday, exists?

and 

how will you react as soon as 

you know that i am no longer;
breathing?

the sea

                                                                                                                  do you feel--
                                                                                                           the flowing wave
                                                                                                     the rushing of the sea-tides;
                                                                                               the soft oceans breeze
                                                                                         the smell of refreshing sea?

           did we actually realize
      that        
the sea incarnate emotions--
                                  love.
                                    hate. 
                                        anger. 
                                            weeps.
                   we've been missing the whole point of the ocean. 
                                         

this picture was taken at Telok Kemang, Kuantan, Malaysia, on Dec 7, 2011

#6 : as time passes by

to accept the fact that as time passes by,
everything--
everybody--
is slowly leaving us.

whether it's with or without goodbyes,
they are leaving us. 
still.

people may say leaving somebody/someone/something is normal.

for me, it is  not.
especially someone that we really love is going to leave us--
forever.

let the memories stay. i'll hold them tight. trust me.

#5 : crying like a baby

sup guys? are you having a good day? are you? are you? jyeah, it's always been a pleasure to hear that! stay calm and positive :)

so, like what i've said in previous post, you should have know that i don't really have talents to write stories or whatsoever; so i'm just gonna write about common things around us. 

lately around this week it's been quite a though time for me, so yeah. i'm kinda stressed out, and sometimes i run out off mood suddenly without no signs. no, it's not PMS. it's just that mood you have to face when you have to handle insane amount of things in just one week.

i'm not kinda person that can handle many things as simple as snapping your fingers and tadaa, move on to the next mission. no. i'm not that kinda person. i might say i'm a quite a bit slow person, not really slow, i always take my sweet times doing something. 
my average time taking bath is 30 minutes. don't ask me what i'm doing in my shower room. i'm thinking about my future, dude. come on. 
plus, i might have OCD because i always brush my teeth averagely twice, shampooing my hair averagely twice, and applying shower cream all over my body averagely twice.
and freaking yeah, that's how i'm working.   

that intro is way too long, i'm sorry. let's jump to the story. i'm gonna write about CRYING.
firstly, i'm wanna apologise to robo and damon, because this post kinda a little bit personal, it's just came across to my mind to write about this in english. 

so, i don't really likes to cry. it's like.. i don't cry. now that's a lie. 

it's been a long time i didn't cry, and now i feels like i wanna cry for some reasons but there ain't any reasons for me to cry. 

we've been indoctrinated by quotes around our timeline in twitter, in blogs, in facebook, tumblr, yada yada yada, that crying might helps to release stress.

ya, sometimes i do feels like i wanna cry, but i don't. it's like, my tears is stuck in my eyes, it won't come out. i only knew that i really have tears when i'm yawning, and my tears are running like crazy, like seriously. well, that's one of the facts that i hate to watch sad movies because when i'm yawning in between the movie they actually thought that i'm crying. 
no, i'm not. 

sometimes when i sleep, i really wish i'll cry all out in my dreams. it happens once, i have no idea what that dream was about, ended up i woke up; sobbing.

am i a freak?

#4 : knock the door, please?

this post has been rated for 18 years and above due too violent and harsh language. thank you.


hiya, good morning readers, may you have a good day today, stay calm and brace the violent language.

so.. guys and girls. TBH, i have no idea what to write about. i don't write poems in english, i'm suck at it. i don't read books, so i don't know what books to review about.

.
.
.

no. someone has just opened my room's door without knocking it first ._.

.
.
.
okay.
now i really have something to write about.

i'm gonna write about this in general contact, not personally attacking someone. whatever, but what is wrong with those people who doesn't know how to knock door first before entering someone's room? all of us; it doesn't matter if you're the predators not to knock the door before entering someone' s room and doesn't care about others privacy, or the preys who always concerned about knocking doors and the privacy, it's the time for all of us to know about this. the main reason why the hell it's made of wood is to ease you to make a knock knock tragic joke since forever.

(using caps lock to death, angry bitch is coming)
KNOCK KNOCK!
WHO'S THERE?
IT'S ME BITCH, VROOM VROOM ITS ME ENTERING YOUR ROOM IN 3 SECS
FUCK OFF ARSE HOLE I'M TRYING TO STUDY!
NO I'M GONNA CRASHED YOUR DOOR FUCKING RIGHT NOW!
*DOOR CRASHED*
HELL NO SHIT YOU SICK BASTARD BROTHER I'M GONNA SPOON OUT YOUR EYES AND HELLA SHIT POUR LEMON JUICE IN YOUR EYES AND LET YOU SUFFER TILL DEATH!

wait.. that's too much.

now that's not the point. that's kinda in tensing ads for you.

rooms is privacy. that's the place where you study, reading books, changing clothes, sleeps, blablabla.
now tell me, if you, yes you, the predator; you are still taking your sweet times naked before put on  any clothes on you and someone enters your room, and what the heck is gonna happens next?

and why the heck you didn't lock the door, eh?

we're human. there will be sometimes when we are not able to find where the fuck is your spectacles even you're wearing it on that time. or.. maybe that's only me having that?
bad instance!
let's say you've forgot to lock the door, and that's the situation.
that's the lesson for you, the predator.

please dearest people, both the preys and the predators, if you wanna take your naked time before put on any clothes, just make sure your room is locked. you don't wanna feel awkward to be with a person who already saw you naked, and ended up you killed yourself with suicidal notes. please, no.

to everybody;
KNOCK THE FUCKING DOOR BEFORE ENTERING SOMEONE'S ROOM. THANK YOU FOR READING.

p/s : this post is totally crap. bad language, i should feel bad. please, using harsh and violent words doesn;t improve your english anyway, but satisfaction is guaranteed.

#2 : bump off!

i don't really know what is the definition of i am being rude or give-back-what-they give. 


you know, when someone bump into me, (with ignorance) i'll never hesitate to bump into 'em back. it's just like.. 

"in you faise! haaahaahaha "

#1 : problems

hiya! what's up? how was your day? does everything was going fine?

no? what's wrong with that frown and your suicide mood? ow snap! okay, take a deep breath. i'm gonna ask you a question. 

ARE YOU HAVING PROBLEMS? 

yes, you do. me too. everybody else too.

what ever problem you're having right now, it is a part of our life. people won't stop doing mistakes, until one day they found the key to-hide-from-mistakes.

there is no key-to-hide-from-mistakes, indeed.

we ought to do mistakes to learn from it. it is a human problems, when we are not that motivated to learn from mistakes. 

from mistakes, there comes "the problems".

some of us will do anything to run away from problems. listen here, there is no "unsolved-problems" in this world. there must have some way to solve it. problems are something that we create on our own, then we should find the way to solve it. we have to widen our view, ask for other's opinion, and the most important is; try to listen to other's advises (if you are that kind of person yo-stop-telling-me-what-to-do-i-know-what-i'm-doing). 

dude, listen. it's not cool. you're having problems and you need  someone to listen to your problems. you are taking their time, and some cases, you're dragging them in your mood, too. it's kind of sad, when the person is trying to give advises and to calm you down, you starts to get mad at them because you think that person didn't face the same problems with you. you never know what is that-listening-ears-problems, their problems might be worse than you, you'll never know. 

use the right to think before speak up. people nowadays are too much getting indoctrinated with "easy too forget, not to forgive". i know it's hard, but fuck that off. you have to try and start forgiving people. come on, it's not worth it to live with hatred and revenge. in the end, you'll get nothing other than sins and lamenting your own mistakes for living in revenge and hatred.

you have no choice rather than face your problems with all of your "cakura" power that you get from Naruto. on how to solve your problems, the only, and the cliche answer is : 

be positive. if you are a positive person, stay positive.

with positive mind, you'll get everything get all done perfectly. 

with positive mind, you'll see everything with different perspective. 

get your mind positive, before solving any problems. 

awh, what's wrong with that frown? come on :( i'm getting tired to write this article for you, gimme a sweet smile, please? yeah that's good :D

keep this in mind, we have only 24-hours a day; you take about 14-hours-gorilla's-sleeping-time, and you only left 10 hours for doing chores. you see, 24 hours ain't enough for a day. tell me only one fucking good reason why are you get too carried away with those suicide feelings and emotion? 

if it's from your boyfriends-girlfriends problems, maybe it's time for you to appreciate people around you. you don't beg for love and attention from your special boyfriend/special girlfriend, right? you have to nail this is mind, that person who won't leave you and be with you through thick and thin are your family and your bestbabes/bestdudes. not your stupid irritating boyfriends/girlfriends.

if it's from family's problem, you should find your trusted bestbabes/bestdudes to listen up to your problems. don't forget to pray, pray to Allah/god that you'll be more stronger to face everyday problems.

if you think that music makes everything less painful, then go on. do anything that can make your mind quite relieved before facing the next challenge. to Muslims, if you are able to recite or read Qoran, please do so. it is a great damnification if you didn't do so because some of us don't even now how to read Qoran, and they have been struggling to read it.

chin up dudes and babes, always bear in mind, there will be other person who are not lucky as we are right now. our big problems to them is just a small pieces to build their life. be grateful to anything that we have and face right know, because Allah/god has arranged the best for us. Allah/god have already reward us with Hidayah and Iman, open our mind and take it and our life will be a bless.

you know, YOLO.

it is a long post, i know. thank you robo for trigger me up to write an english post. may Allah bless you, Ameen..!

p/s : ..and thank you too mr. google translator for helping me out to translate english-malay words. big applause to you. yeay!